A Long Digression
Good evening,
Good evening,
Posted by
Stephanie Kesavan
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9:19 AM
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Selamat Petang,
Posted by
Stephanie Kesavan
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7:12 AM
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Greetings, it is, approximately 6: 35p.m.
Posted by
Stephanie Kesavan
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10:34 AM
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Good evening, it is currently 8:30 p.m. After three hours straight of contract and 3 hours of UL. I'm done for the day, I think I'm actually going to bed early today.
Posted by
Stephanie Kesavan
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12:34 PM
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Hello Hello Hello :)
Yesterday and today- two very long days, spent just working. Well as of today, we've gotten all our titles for our assessment essays. The joy.
I finished at 5 today, three lectures and one tutorial, was going to go to the library but by 5pm I was just completely exhausted. So I came back, made myself a sandwich and slept. Woke up at 7pm showered and cleaned and here I am. Gonna start my work in a bit but I'm starting to really feel the pressure from all the work thats come in, need to unwind a little.
Also, after my last post, got many msges on FB and MSN :) thank you, felt nice to hear from you guys so far away.
Anyway, I was going through my...no, actually I was cleaning up my saved documents, discarding all the E.Lit essays that were still sitting there. But, I came across a blog post that I had actually bothered to save on Word. Very surprising. I read through it and reflected on the state of mind that I was in. Well on the day that I found that post, someone incidently sent me a msg saying the same things about me, that I had written in that particular saved post. And I'm wondering about the weird coincidence and if its something I should really evaluate about myself. Well, the msg basically said that I was hard to understand and read to a certain extent. Right. If you want to read this particular post its the June 5th post on my old blog, www.stephaniekesavan3.blogspot.com (note that if you had problems getting to my old blog before, its because there was a typo in the previous link.)
I still do stand by what I said in my old post about me being hard to understand and all, however I suppose I wouldn't put it that exact way. The way I would answer that question or no, actually seek to explain myself(which I don't very often)is- everything I do and don't do, is most of the time entirely to do with what I think is right based on my experience, so if you ever do feel I'm not making sense to you, just ask. I figure, question and answer is just a really good way of avoiding drama. That's all I have to say about that.
Moving on, :) I'm not going to be around for new year. My grandfather is celebrating his birthday in Bangkok this year, so all 30 of us will be going to Thailand and spending three nights there, awesome!! I get to wear my Max Azria gown, finally. I never used to get very excited to family trips, but being away, LOL, I miss Jonathan running in my room and irritating the hell out of me.
So, I shall hope to spend Christmas with my friends >.
Danger invites rescue, the cry for distress is the summons for relief- A judge said this in a judgment I was reading last nite, I thought it was a good line. I like collecting lines, when I read books, these really good phrases and sentences are really the ones that really get me. You can call me shallow but I think it really is an art to construct a good, clear, concise and precise sentence with no ambiguity.
STPM people, I know you guys must be feeling like damn sickening and can't wait to finish the exam and start having some fun but you know finishing the exam is really not the end but the beginning of a completely new phase cheers! So, take your time and make sure to do it perfectly..haha.. if u're feeling like no more energy you need to listen to Patron Tequila, get your blood pumping, but NO ACTUAL TEQUILA okayh! Ah, I'm such a nag, but its cause I careeee!
Goodnight,
Steph
Posted by
Stephanie Kesavan
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11:49 AM
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I hate hospitals. I've been in and out of those forever, when I was a child, I had a wheezing problem. Then I got that surgery when I was 6. But the last few years have been rough even on me I must say, if its not having a really bad flu(twice already this year) its having some exotic disease. I'm tired.
If you've known me since high school, you'd know how often I get admitted. Today, Quine Bhav and Kev had to take me into emergency at the QMC-Queens Medical Centre. I never thought that I'd see the doors of the emergency since I've been clear of any severe problems this year. Well, shit happens.
Since 11 last night I've been having diarrhoea and I thought it was the lunch I had. But it persisted until 6 this evening and by the last time I went, there was blood. Went to the hosp, couldn't see a doctor even after 45mins, I checked with the nurse and said I'd come back tomorrow if it doesnt get better.
Kevin made congee for me for dinner. God knows who'd take care of me when I'm ill and there's no Kevin around.
I'm just really depressed right now, I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know what's wrong with my body. Everywhere I go, I get sick. I can't do and eat so many things as it is already. Last year was dengue and typhoid and 18months before dengue I was in for severe food poisoning. The last few years has been shit for my health. I get very paranoid when I get sick like that bloody flu I had two weeks ago- I finished my Tammiflu course and still didn't get better, Vicks helped though.
It makes it all the harder to be independent because when I get sick I am really sick to the point where I can't move around on my own.
When I had Dengue, I probably felt the worst because my matron and GP in KTJ believed that it was only a normal flu and would pass, in the mean time I had my temperature running up to forty degrees. Basically, had to call my parents and my uncle Gino picked me up immediately from Mantin, raced home to Malacca, sent me to the hospital and which point I was completely dehydrated and aching all over. I remember I was so dehydrated that when you pinched my skin, it just stayed.
In form 4 when I had the severe food poisoning, my mom wasn't home, she was in KL. At about 4am I knocked and collapsed in front of my parents room. My dad opened the door and panicked. Picked me up, put me on the bed at which point I needed the bathroom again, went to the bathroom pulled my panties, when it dropped to my ankles I saw fresh blood. No, not stains on the pantie but just blood. I showed them to my father and I suppose he did freak out.
Typhoid ..well, I'm still a carrier which is why I don't share food with people. This one was bad in the sense that it came in waves, Dengue I was just in pain all the time. But Typhoid, you think u're feeling better, you get discharged..and then you go in again.
I think I've been in the hospital so many times with so many things that my friends don't really react to it anymore but it still has quite an effect on me because all in all, I'm still the one that has to go through it.
All this had got me thinking about my parents, just now..in emergency, I didn't think I was going to die but I was thinking, if this turned out to be another disease and I'll have to do it on my own without my parents, I'd rather die. All I was thinking about was my parents. I know it sounds very dependent but I know what its like to be really sick and the amount of energy to take care of a sick person. Post dengue, I had lost about 5kgs and had to be on supplements and vitmains and all that stuff and I saw the amount of effort my parents took. So, yeah. It got me thinking.
It also got me thinking about facing things alone, in Translations..or was it another play..it was talking about distance and how we are all essentially distant from one another because, in reality the most important things we go through in life that builds us, we go through alone no matter how many people surround us. When, I was in the hospital all those times, I thought about my visitors and I thought 'how lucky they are..they come, they show their care and that's the end of their relation to my pain and I don't have that luxury because when they come, its comforting for a few moments and they leave and you know your alone again'.
It's been a really emotional day for me, I called my dad and talked to him for two hours, that made me feel better about my whole situation.
Goodnight friends, pray I do get better and don't have to go back there again tomorrow.
steph.
Posted by
Stephanie Kesavan
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11:04 AM
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Hello :)
Today was a good day.
Yesterday everyone on FB knew my day sucked so I decided to wake up early, and work out.
The work out was good, ran for 25mins then did floor workouts for 15mins, came home woke Von up.
Went to the city, finally got my contract line and Blackberry(topping up every week is just to expensive to maintain at least, I have 500 free text mate) cause I finally got my bank statement from HSBC.
I bought:
I think that's all I bought haha..but today was a generally good day, had lunch with Von at this really nice Italian place just up from Topman. YAY.
Good Day. <3
p.s need to mug for tomorrow's tutorial now.
Posted by
Stephanie Kesavan
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10:27 AM
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