Carpe Diem

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Long Digression

Good evening,

:) Yes, all smiles today.

Made it through Seminar(yesterday) and Consti Tutorial today and, most obviously, I survived and couldn't be happier. I have Tort essay due now, but that's less stressful that worrying about cocking up in a tutorial or Seminar. If you're confused about them both, tutorials-about 7 ppl max. Seminar-about 17 ppl somedays. So, tutorials are a lot more intense as you can imagine with the teacher having ample time to go one by one picking at you. Drives me insane, sitting in that chair. Seminars ..well debatable, either more ppl so you don't have to worry so much about people remembering your faults or more people so more embarrassing.

Similar my public speaking and debating days, I always took the view that its less intimidating when there's a sea of eyes staring at you because firstly, you can't zero in and focus on that one person's expression and secondly frankly for me, I zone out after I start speaking when there are a lot of ppl. By zoning out- I mean that I don't hear anything else, or see anything else, it sort of blurs and I can only hear myself. I sort of miss those days.

I have got to stop stressing out about attending tutorials, honest to God, last night, I went to sleep just rehearsing what questions might be asked. I'm going slightly nuts.

On to less stressful topic then, Jam. I love jam. I love jam with digestive biscuits, I love jam rings and I love love love jam with bread. Equinus seems to think I have gone white in two months. I assure you, that is not the case. Because in Malaysia, I never fancied anything other than peanut butter. To be quite honest I haven't had jam since I was 6, possibly. My father loves jam though.

You know, tomorrow, I ought to go into M&S to buy really good food. Have to BBM Von about going into the city tomorrow then. Anyway, tonight is Qareena's birthday and we're going to this place...I don't remember the name now. Gosh, horrid memory. Erm, but yeah, should be quite fun, last time I went out was the Notts Games weekend. :) I must say after the last few stressful days this can't come sooner.

Also, before her birthday do, I'm going to the temple. Yes, to pray. Do not look at me like that. I have found so comfort or..call it whatever you like in praying. How odd ey, me going to a temple, voluntarily, not to protest but to pray. My, my, seems like someone is growing up rather quickly the past few months. If you're wondering, Yes. I am Hindu. There. After 19 years of saying that I've no religion to everyone, I've come around to accepting it. I've never ruled out the fact that I may one day have a religion but not this soon.

I am still very aware and still do believe all the flaws that surround the religious world. However, I am now perhaps more considerate and more sensitive towards people's beliefs. I am more impartial so to speak, now that I can actually personally comprehend, religions. I still do believe in not having a one though, for people who don't. I've not changed radically. I think, its personal. I think, it's every individual's choice. I am not about to go to the temple every week. But yes, I've come around to it. Took me about two decades but yeah.

Right, some people like Ester would just be laughing at the two paragraphs above because she, she saw all the times I fought with every Tom, Dick and Harry about the absurdity of believing in a religion. I am not fully converted, I will stress again, its just that..in light of some events the past few years, my perspective of it has changed.

Not blind faith I can assure you, I don't agree with everything the religion has to offer or say. However, I don't agree on some practical functions of democracy entirely either, but whatddya gotta do mate. One man, I don't know remember who now, but I think it was Churchill ..correct me if I'm wrong. But the man said, that democracy was not the best of government systems, but its all we have right now. Similar, my argument now with religion, not to the very detail of that quote but I believe that anyone reading that would get the picture as a whole.

Well, it seems, I've digressed very far from what I actually intended to say today which was plainly that I'm happy the stress for this week is over.

Take care.

Steph.

Posted by Stephanie Kesavan at 9:19 AM | 0 comments

Friday, November 6, 2009

Selamat Petang,

:) I haven't updated in the afternoon in such a long time. God. I'm so glad I wore my trench instead of my blazer out today, on the way back, it started raining. Ergh, hate the weather.

Anyway, last night, I was such a pemalas. After I blogged, read my UL for like an hour, nothing was going in so I just watched BSB videos until 11p.m. :)

Now I need a nap, for awhile and probably work through the night because I'm so behinddddd liao. Amazing what missing one day does to you. LOL.

Probably will NOT be updating until next week, after Tuesday, after my Consti Tute. Haih, I'm so anxious for the tutorial because that man really just scares me. Now you know I rarely get scared of my teachers, in fact as far as I can remember, I was always the asshole who NEVER listened to teachers and then with my fight with Hughes that time. BUT THIS GUY, haih. scared la. The thing is the more I'm shit scared of him, the more I wanna impress him? AIYA. Men.

LOL.

okayh, going to nap awhile now.

Good Day

Posted by Stephanie Kesavan at 7:12 AM | 0 comments

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Thursday already??

Greetings, it is, approximately 6: 35p.m.

Tuesdays and Thursday really just tire me.

The amount of weight that I've put on to date is seriously scaring me, if you let me, I'd eat all day and I'd eat anything you put in front of me. Oh Lordy. Actually, I don't think anyone really uses that expression anymore, do they?

Today was a good one, woke up late and still made it to class 5 to 10. Contract tutorial was good, last night, I literally went to sleep thinking I was screwed and knew nothing about Consideration and Estoppel. But yeah, could answer the questions, fingers crossed that I'll find my light at the end of the tunnel for my Seminar next week.

I have my date tomorrow with Doria, yes, shall NOT forget that. Don't think she'll let me live past standing her up. Gosh it's so fast innit, week after week, it just flies by. Can't believe its' going to be the weekend in days time and only last weekend was Notts Games.

Although time passes quick here, well. Definitely quicker than when I was in Malacca, I don't mind that, because I'm really looking forward to the holidays as well. It's tiring mate, prepping for tutorial, feeding yourself, cleaning up after yourself, on one hand I love it. On the other, I just miss someone feeding me. Like literally just walk downstairs which I always do at home, and there's food there for all my meals. I cannot believe how much of a pig I used to be, and its all well and good, where I say "okay, I've grown out of that. Stand on my two feet." but there are days when you are exhausted you just go " I seriously can't wake up to do my laundry today, please god, make Maria appear."

Then again, I dododo! love my Sunday mornings, its amazing. I'll tell you why, its my laundry day, the hard part is waking up at 7, so that I have the whole laundry room to myself. But after the waking up part. I like doing my laundry. It's my thing, Sunday morning. I put the clothes in the machine, come back home, clean, take the trash out then I go back to laundry room, dry my clothes bring them back. And this is my favourite part- folding my clothes with my music and the sun shining very brightly and the smell of my laundry. Now, THAT my friends, makes my day.

Then I shower, eat breakfast then lie down and read. I only start work after lunch on Sundays, for I think that everyone needs a decent Sunday break and Sunday mornings are NOT, I repeat, NOT meant for working. There should be an offence for making people work on Sunday.

Right, haha need to get back to work

Steph

Posted by Stephanie Kesavan at 10:34 AM | 0 comments

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Good evening, it is currently 8:30 p.m. After three hours straight of contract and 3 hours of UL. I'm done for the day, I think I'm actually going to bed early today.

You know when I stop reading? When I read a sentence three times and go 'I've seen that word before but I dunno the meaning' and its usually words like 'there' 'claimant' 'defendant' 'estoppel' simple words yes, but to the tired mind, MIND BOGGLING.

Anyway, I was talking to my Datin Mummy(its what I call her to irritate the hell out of her and to remind her of her despotic ways of running the household) today for the second time in a week. I think she's funny, lol, seriously. She has a very weird sense of humour. She says something really sarcastic then she laughs evilly and those eyes go really small (wait, just picture Caryn la, this is why they both get along well) and then you start laughing because although its insulting, you don't mind coz its funny.

Right, two days ago. I was whining that when I go back in Dec, I'd be a baby whale. She said: "It's okay baby whale, you've been baby pig before." and she starts laughing her sarcastic laugh, now I just died laughing although I do resent the baby pig comment.

Then today she made a fuss about my phone bill because when I was still using my roaming in UK the first week, there was a call for 20mins to Malaysia and it RM247, right she was completely entitled to scream at me. So to get unstuck I say, gtg mom, bye, busy. And she sent this hilarious msg, I didn't know how to react so I just laughed. LOL.

Datin Shirley Ong Kesavan: bye but I'll still DREAM ABOUT IT[2:38:21 PM]

Datin Shirley Ong Kesavan: Your old mother at home. Saving every little crumb so that can pay for your HUGE PHONE BILL .... starving to DEATH[2:38:26 PM]

Datin Shirley Ong Kesavan: bye

So, where do I get it from? Evidently, from HERRRR. :) which is not entirely a bad thing.

Goodnight!

Posted by Stephanie Kesavan at 12:34 PM | 0 comments

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Tuesday.

Hello Hello Hello :)

Yesterday and today- two very long days, spent just working. Well as of today, we've gotten all our titles for our assessment essays. The joy.

I finished at 5 today, three lectures and one tutorial, was going to go to the library but by 5pm I was just completely exhausted. So I came back, made myself a sandwich and slept. Woke up at 7pm showered and cleaned and here I am. Gonna start my work in a bit but I'm starting to really feel the pressure from all the work thats come in, need to unwind a little.

Also, after my last post, got many msges on FB and MSN :) thank you, felt nice to hear from you guys so far away.

Anyway, I was going through my...no, actually I was cleaning up my saved documents, discarding all the E.Lit essays that were still sitting there. But, I came across a blog post that I had actually bothered to save on Word. Very surprising. I read through it and reflected on the state of mind that I was in. Well on the day that I found that post, someone incidently sent me a msg saying the same things about me, that I had written in that particular saved post. And I'm wondering about the weird coincidence and if its something I should really evaluate about myself. Well, the msg basically said that I was hard to understand and read to a certain extent. Right. If you want to read this particular post its the June 5th post on my old blog, www.stephaniekesavan3.blogspot.com (note that if you had problems getting to my old blog before, its because there was a typo in the previous link.)

I still do stand by what I said in my old post about me being hard to understand and all, however I suppose I wouldn't put it that exact way. The way I would answer that question or no, actually seek to explain myself(which I don't very often)is- everything I do and don't do, is most of the time entirely to do with what I think is right based on my experience, so if you ever do feel I'm not making sense to you, just ask. I figure, question and answer is just a really good way of avoiding drama. That's all I have to say about that.

Moving on, :) I'm not going to be around for new year. My grandfather is celebrating his birthday in Bangkok this year, so all 30 of us will be going to Thailand and spending three nights there, awesome!! I get to wear my Max Azria gown, finally. I never used to get very excited to family trips, but being away, LOL, I miss Jonathan running in my room and irritating the hell out of me.

So, I shall hope to spend Christmas with my friends >.

Danger invites rescue, the cry for distress is the summons for relief- A judge said this in a judgment I was reading last nite, I thought it was a good line. I like collecting lines, when I read books, these really good phrases and sentences are really the ones that really get me. You can call me shallow but I think it really is an art to construct a good, clear, concise and precise sentence with no ambiguity.

STPM people, I know you guys must be feeling like damn sickening and can't wait to finish the exam and start having some fun but you know finishing the exam is really not the end but the beginning of a completely new phase cheers! So, take your time and make sure to do it perfectly..haha.. if u're feeling like no more energy you need to listen to Patron Tequila, get your blood pumping, but NO ACTUAL TEQUILA okayh! Ah, I'm such a nag, but its cause I careeee!

Goodnight,
Steph

Posted by Stephanie Kesavan at 11:49 AM | 0 comments

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Sick is My Middle Name

I hate hospitals. I've been in and out of those forever, when I was a child, I had a wheezing problem. Then I got that surgery when I was 6. But the last few years have been rough even on me I must say, if its not having a really bad flu(twice already this year) its having some exotic disease. I'm tired.

If you've known me since high school, you'd know how often I get admitted. Today, Quine Bhav and Kev had to take me into emergency at the QMC-Queens Medical Centre. I never thought that I'd see the doors of the emergency since I've been clear of any severe problems this year. Well, shit happens.

Since 11 last night I've been having diarrhoea and I thought it was the lunch I had. But it persisted until 6 this evening and by the last time I went, there was blood. Went to the hosp, couldn't see a doctor even after 45mins, I checked with the nurse and said I'd come back tomorrow if it doesnt get better.

Kevin made congee for me for dinner. God knows who'd take care of me when I'm ill and there's no Kevin around.

I'm just really depressed right now, I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know what's wrong with my body. Everywhere I go, I get sick. I can't do and eat so many things as it is already. Last year was dengue and typhoid and 18months before dengue I was in for severe food poisoning. The last few years has been shit for my health. I get very paranoid when I get sick like that bloody flu I had two weeks ago- I finished my Tammiflu course and still didn't get better, Vicks helped though.

It makes it all the harder to be independent because when I get sick I am really sick to the point where I can't move around on my own.

When I had Dengue, I probably felt the worst because my matron and GP in KTJ believed that it was only a normal flu and would pass, in the mean time I had my temperature running up to forty degrees. Basically, had to call my parents and my uncle Gino picked me up immediately from Mantin, raced home to Malacca, sent me to the hospital and which point I was completely dehydrated and aching all over. I remember I was so dehydrated that when you pinched my skin, it just stayed.

In form 4 when I had the severe food poisoning, my mom wasn't home, she was in KL. At about 4am I knocked and collapsed in front of my parents room. My dad opened the door and panicked. Picked me up, put me on the bed at which point I needed the bathroom again, went to the bathroom pulled my panties, when it dropped to my ankles I saw fresh blood. No, not stains on the pantie but just blood. I showed them to my father and I suppose he did freak out.

Typhoid ..well, I'm still a carrier which is why I don't share food with people. This one was bad in the sense that it came in waves, Dengue I was just in pain all the time. But Typhoid, you think u're feeling better, you get discharged..and then you go in again.

I think I've been in the hospital so many times with so many things that my friends don't really react to it anymore but it still has quite an effect on me because all in all, I'm still the one that has to go through it.

All this had got me thinking about my parents, just now..in emergency, I didn't think I was going to die but I was thinking, if this turned out to be another disease and I'll have to do it on my own without my parents, I'd rather die. All I was thinking about was my parents. I know it sounds very dependent but I know what its like to be really sick and the amount of energy to take care of a sick person. Post dengue, I had lost about 5kgs and had to be on supplements and vitmains and all that stuff and I saw the amount of effort my parents took. So, yeah. It got me thinking.

It also got me thinking about facing things alone, in Translations..or was it another play..it was talking about distance and how we are all essentially distant from one another because, in reality the most important things we go through in life that builds us, we go through alone no matter how many people surround us. When, I was in the hospital all those times, I thought about my visitors and I thought 'how lucky they are..they come, they show their care and that's the end of their relation to my pain and I don't have that luxury because when they come, its comforting for a few moments and they leave and you know your alone again'.

It's been a really emotional day for me, I called my dad and talked to him for two hours, that made me feel better about my whole situation.

Goodnight friends, pray I do get better and don't have to go back there again tomorrow.
steph.

Posted by Stephanie Kesavan at 11:04 AM | 0 comments

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Wednesday! How Glorious!

Hello :)

Today was a good day.

Yesterday everyone on FB knew my day sucked so I decided to wake up early, and work out.

The work out was good, ran for 25mins then did floor workouts for 15mins, came home woke Von up.

Went to the city, finally got my contract line and Blackberry(topping up every week is just to expensive to maintain at least, I have 500 free text mate) cause I finally got my bank statement from HSBC.

I bought:

The new Prada perfume, because I was so 'smart' and only brought ONE perfume here, anyway the Tommy Girl that I brought finished, literally habis.
I got an Ipod Classic (You may think its unnecessary but dude, seriously)
Got my water filter!! finally can drink clean water!
Got my earrings as well, I brought a pair but one side went missing and I need earrings.
Oh I got a pair of new comfy flats from Clarks as well, 50% off :)))))

I think that's all I bought haha..but today was a generally good day, had lunch with Von at this really nice Italian place just up from Topman. YAY.